stresed~ heart attack!!!

11.22pm. like 8hours till school starts again. what the fuck im doing? im staring at the pc...
aimless...
suffering for heart attack.
im scared.
of everything...
trials?
im so not prepared...
to think of screwing up my career?
i dont know...
what i've done?
so confusing...
so aimless...
so... zombiefied...
clueless...
to make matters worse, school starts in... damn? 7.45 mins or something...
i'll die...
no idea what im doing...
still under a little shock...
i gotta concentrate...
i know i can...
for gods sake...
for YOUR sake...
come on come on!!!



i dont wanna go... school?
shit.
im so damn fucked up.



i have no idea what to say to you...
i know its quite useless cuz whats done is done...
not pushing away my responsibility...
its just sorta unexpected...
i need time...
im sorry.
i love you...
i'll keep my promise...
i know i will...
i'll make sure i do...
as long as one day im alive...
i'll be loving you...
i know its you...
i just know...
im sorry...

Sunday to Monday

woke up rather late today... slept at 3+ last night i think... watched this taiwan drama thing on youtube... [櫻野3加1]... damn? since when i became a so movie person... well.. its quite a nice show.. got me hooked for quite a while... dun ask me how...
so...
i woke up, had chicken rice for lunch...
well.. why am i blogging bout this anyway... haha...
whatever... have nohing else to blog... in order to keep this blog alive, this is necessary... =]
was practically alone for the whole afternoon at home...
with my phone and my computer to keep me accompany...

holidays is over soon...
in another approx 23hours from the time i post this blog, it'll be end of this 1 week & 1 day holiday... and... approx 80 hours from now... i'll be having my trials...
great...
FAQ...
are you prepared for your SPM?
no.
are you prepared for your trial exams?
obviously not.
did you study during this holidays?
i did. i really did. just... =]
will you flunk your exams?
yeah. probably, i guess. based on... now.
errr... many goodlucks to me...
haha... =D im cool right? dun have to study and expect everything to turn out fine.
apparently, it appears to be killing me softly...
soon, i'll be dead...
over confident?
i don't know...
its just the feeling for studying isnt there...
i'd prefer playing my sax for life than studying...
but?
yeah... i dont have to say anything, you guys understand...

sometimes, i look at myself... and wonder if i am really the guy i look...
well, i can tell you... the answer is
NO.
im like hmmm... and egg...
although hard on the outside, and soft in the inside, it'll still break if you hit it too hard... and if you heat it up, the inside will get hard too... but it'll still break under pressure...

sometimes i feel, if i have given you enough?
its not anything...
but, its just that, you expect too high on me, and im afraid i can't meet your demands, you get that? im not calling you to dun expect from me... but... i don't know... i feel so helpless, so desperate... i wanna give you everything... but i cant... i love you... i really do... probabaly not the best guy in the world... but at least i'll try? maybe im watching too much of that [櫻野3加1] shit... ugghhh whatever... i don't know... a little lost, but i'll be fine... only you'll make me go crazy like this... but also if i wanna be normal, i need you...
just wanna tell you that, you lighten up my life... i cant imagine life without you now... i've been through those, and i dun wanna repeat them... i know im not perfect, i know you're not perfect too... but i know you'll try to be the perfect one to me... and of course, i will too... i need you to believe in me... but im afraid that no matter how hard i try, i still wont make it...
but i won't lose hope in myself, i hope you dont too...
you're just the one...
i wont give you up... i want you to stay strong for yourself too...

Essay on MY LAMP
you're the lamp in my life... without this light, i will be in total darkness... who knows what will happen inside a life of total darkness? so, i'll try very very hard to keep this lamp lit, so i can shine my way through out... i know sometimes, when the wind is strong, you'll go blinking, but i'll make sure this light of mine doesnt extinguish... beside light, you also give me warmth... when im cold, you'll heat me up... but sometimes during the winter, even lamps freeze... but i'll make sure i cover you will lots of blanket, and stay with you, until winter is over, then you can continue to light up and lead my way again... on the other hand, during summer, things get a little heated up... until sometimes unbearable... but of course, i'll find a way to cool you down without having to extinguish that flame inside...

oh great. i haven cut my hair. =S

PS: i love you, Celyn Teoh Wei Ying.

day...

hmm... woke up by a phone call today. a friend called, saying digi died... (of cuz it died, i fucked the yellow man till his guts came out yesterday) lol... yea... had problems with digi yesterday... and bingo, today morning, it crashed... the WHOLE digi line crashed, no calls, no messages... great.
it was raining like crazy... and i mean, LIKE CRAZY...
it was as if the rain drops would just pierce through your body if u were to stand outside... SO BIG DROPS...errr..
hungry... wanted to had some delivery stuff... but... raining... and im broke...
so... cooked 2 packets of instant noodles...
thats what i had for lunch. yay
and... finally got a replacement for my modem...
actually, not exactly a replacement, mum applied for a new package...



picture of my new 2 in 1 wireless modem...
nice lights =]

then... sorta studied... i mean.... 1 question, 10 minutes tv + 10 minutes pc + 10 minutes dreaming that type...
hey, at least i studied kay?
manage to do like 30 objective questions in errr... 5 hours?
amazing huh?
thats me.
get use to it or get LOST =]
lol
so... yea... spend my afternoon that way...
nothing much REALLY happened...
means nothing to blog...
means sad case...
actually its not that i have nothing to blog, its just that now, i have somebody to share my stories with... don't really feel like blogging it anymore... hmmm
well, this posts is on special request...
haha...

=)

oo... its has been like what? a week since i last updated??? haha. amazing. UNFORTUNATELY, internet crashed again. and there the DSL light goes blinking again... on and on like there's no tomorrow...
oh well... out of luck, it suddenly worked today...
unbelievable... but thats what happened.
hmm... well... what happened between the past week...
oh yea... friday, i accidentally cracked my laptop screen, dont ask how... so... called dell for a replacement. cost RM850 for a upgraded warrantly for 1 year, which of cause include the screen replacement that would cost RM700+... so, figured that its more worth it with a 1 year warranty...
well, during the repair, the guy said im having something problem with my harddisk as well, some error shit. so... he got a replacement too, and he's comin over tmr?
so... yea... unlucky me huh?
holidays started, what was i suppose to do? study right?
but... haha. i didn't at all... hmmm... gosh.. whatever...
went to see a chinese orchestra concert on sunday... had to support my baby... =] although im not a big fan of chinese orch, but its not bad... haha...

so... what else to blog about???
its all bout life...
gosh...
chaotic life...
boring...
hmmm........
...
...
...
ღ Celyn
6 weeks of you...

oh well...

hmmm... firstly... i'd like to rant bout my internet...
freakin TMnet... yea...

Experiment 1

PROBLEM STATEMENT:
does TMnet really sucks?

HYPOTHESIS:
When the DSL light is blinking like there's no tomorrow, you cant connect to the damn fuckin internet.

APPARATUS & MATERIALS:
AZTECH DSL modem, AZTECH wireless modem, Dell laptop with wifi, cables, and of cuz electricity.

PROCEDURE:
1. connect all cables to the modems and turn the power on.
2. switch on your laptop and try to connect to the internet.
3. steps 1 & 2 are repeated throughout these few days.
4. the results and observations were recorded on this blog.

RESULTS & OBSERVATIONS:
DAY 1
modem DSL light blinking like there's fuckin no tommorow.
connection to internet failed.
Light got stable at night. finally got my internet connection.
DAY 2
DSL light blinked like fuck. as if somebody's fuckin its holes with shit.
DAY 3
PISSED. DSL light still blinking although i never offed the modem for 24 hours.
DAY 4
slammed the modem on the floor and it broke. haha just kidding...
its still not working...

CONCLUSION:
TMNET SUCKS. TELECOM SUCKS. MALAYSIA SUCKS.

PRECAUTION:
do not support malaysian product.


yeah, damn right... internet was down for bout few days ago... well... last post till now, do the math.
finally the DSL light got stable and im so not gonna off the modem...
called TM for troubleshooting, but doesnt really help...

so... sunday stonned at home... internet-less
same goes for monday...
and tuesday...

make things even worse, my bathroom hot water heater...
ouch...
lol...
sorta short circuit-ed
everytime i on it...
the electricity would trip...

no hotwater to bathe, no internet for entertainment...
almost went crazy....
fortunately, i got you.....

meanwhile... internet-less... i started to think bout life...
why is this world so unfair?
why do we have to face problems?
looking at friends beside me...
family beside me...
nothing really seems right...
weird...
as i said... as i get older, i start to deteriorate... but i start to discover new things bout life... the life which is not what i had few years back...
oh well... i sure knew one thing... everything in the world is balanced...
for example, as the population of the world is going up caused by too much sex, guys fuckin girls and get them pregnant...
and lots of babies coming to this world to suffer with us...
this freaking disease thinggie also comes with it...
H1N1...
see? its created to lower the worlds population...
the earth is dying, cant people see that???
we're using the earth's resource like drinking water from the river...
talking bout that...
i believe after 100years, the world would be dried up... drought all over... heatwaves killing more lives...
NOT INNOCENT LIFES, everyone in the world is GUILTY...
well, back to the point...
newton's law, IN EVERYTHING ACTION, THERE WILL BE AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION.
agree?

so... even tho my life sorta sucks... im blessed with a damn sweet girlfriend...
blessed with a healthy body, no influenza A... and ect...
WELL, seriously, u cant prevent the disease from attack you, its all up to fate...
if you're meant to get it, how careful u are, you'll still get one lahhhhh...
so, i'll leave this all to god...
man make man destory?
nahh, god make, god destory...
god, the true ruler of the universe...

(:

wow...
time really flies...
in a blink of an eye...
it has already been 1 month...
a month since we got together...
a month of happiness...
a month of never ending enjoyment...
still can't believe that i would end up with her...
its not like we KNOW each other well...
but... sometimes... its the SPARK.
sorry lo... i cant help it ma...
she so sweet.......
electroCUTED...
haha. XD
straight right through the eyes...
oops...

to celebrate this memorable moment...
we decided to go on our first date at queensbay...
=P
walked...
talked...
played..
laughed...
eat...
=]
oh yea...
read books too!
hahaha

eh... this is good bonding kay???

=]

anyway...
happy 1 month~~~



Sara Teasdale

I Love You


When April bends above me
And finds me fast asleep
Dust need not keep the secret
A live heart died to keep.

When April tells the thrushes,
The meadow-larks will know,
And pipe the three words lightly
To all the winds that blow.

Above his roof the swallows,
In notes like far-blown rain,
Will tell the little sparrow
Beside his window-pane.

O sparrow, little sparrow,
When I am fast asleep,
Then tell my love the secret
That I have died to keep.




remember the 10,000 ways to say i love you?

haha....
poems~~~ hehehehe....

SONGS~
If I Never Knew You by Jon Secada & Shanice

If I never knew you
If i never felt this love
I would have no inkling of
How precious life can be

And if I never held you
I would never have a clue
How at last I'd find in you
The missing part of me.

In this world so full of fear
Full of rage and lies
I can see the truth so clear
In your eyes
So dry your eyes

And I'm so grateful to you
I'd hve lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

If I never knew you
I'd be safe but half as real
Never knowing I could feel
A love so strong and true

I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we'd make the whole world bright
I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong
all they'd leave us were these wispers in the night
But still my heart is saying we were right

Oh if I never knew you
There's no moment I regret
If i never felt this love
Since the moment that we met
I would have no inkling of
If our time has gone too fast
How precious life can be...
I've lived at last...

I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we'd make the whole world bright
I thought our love wuold be so beautiful
We'd turn the darkness into light
And still my heart is saying we were right
we were right

And if I never knew you
If I never knew you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Empty as the sky
Never knowing why
Lost forever
If I never knew you



i love you, happy 1 month...

=]

HAPPY 4 WEEKS, BABE~
I LOVE YOU

Ooo...

long time didnt blog...
what should i blog about??
well... went to see PWO's concert on friday...
quite amazing...
i wanna join...
but i dun have instrument...
sad...

well, my grand aunt passed away...
went to attend her funeral today...
interesting one...
haha...



well, funny vid to share...



babe, still like elephants???








eyes on you... :)

need my life back... pleeeeaaaaaaaaasssseeeeeee...

damn...
1 of the past days...
i was listening to songs on my playlist in my phone.
it was played under shuffle.
and...
skipped to...
the song i played on my concert, the LIVE recorded one...
and it reminded me of those memories...
those were the days,
band-ing from like morning till night...
time i spend with the people...
bonding...
thinking of how much i'd miss the band after i graduate...
and then i start thinking bout graduation...
imagine life without school...
without rules...
wonder if there's still friends...
maybe we'd just lost contact...
nobody knows...
read a friend of mine's blog...
he graduated last year...
he missed penang alot...
currently studying outstation...
wonder if i'll be like that too?
i miss the band...
i miss my saxophone...
seriously...
everytime i think bout that, it just kills of the mood...
thinking of graduation is crazy...
life after that is even worse
imagine...
scaryy.......
hmmmm....
to make things even worse...
trial's coming soon.
im not even 1% prepared...
SPM in approx 100days...
what will i become when i grow up?
no, i don't wanna become a millionair...
nor billionair...
all i want is to live a happy, fulfilling life...
peace and joy...
get a proper job enough to feed myself, and my family, including the needs.
makes you go nuts when u think bout it...

went to queensbay again just now...
with my mum & dad...
first time in 10years i think...
wanted to have dinner...
walked down the escalator...
1 turned left, 1 turned right...
wtf...
i stood there... and hang...
then 1 looked at the shop on the left, another on the right...
come on!
what'd you expect me to do?
so... i just said, lets go there...
and i walked...

i need my life back...
can i stop worrying bout these stuff?
causes major life threatening sickness. lol

another thing...
i freaking need to learn music...
at least 1 instrument...
guitar?
piano?
SAXOPHONE perhaps?

sighs...
wonder if my dream would come true?

awww... why???

come on! why does she have to be so sweet?



An unbreakable promises between Win-and-Lyn




HanYi,dont forget what you had promised me kay?

Something happened yesterday between me and him again.
I knew im not a good girlfriend.
I really scared he will leave me one day.
Maybe i love him too much?

Althought he doesn't looks handsome.
and sometimes he keep say he's ugly.
But for me,he is handsome.
Dont ask me why,cause i ♥ him.

Cousie said im changed alot.
I didnt feel that at all.
Or maybe i really changed?
Dont ask why,cause i ♥ him.

I feel my life has changed after i met him.
Become more meaningful?
Wait him find me at school.
Wait he text me after back from school.
Wait for his loves and cares,even bully.
Wait for his called.
Wait his goodnight kiss.

Every morning once i open my eyes,
'Morning babe.'
He purpose wake up and sent me
How sweet is he huh?
Come to my class' coridor talk to me even he's sleepy.
He said if he didnt find me,i'll kill him.winkssss.
Accompany me before im going to CO.
Let me bite his hand even fingers.
Play 'my heart will go on' with piano althought he's not well on it,

I dont know how far still we can go on.
Im not a good girlfriend.
I scare one day if he really cant tolerant me anymore.....
Ermmm, dont dare to think...


The-young-him...
Grabbed from somewhere...
Now he is sleeping.
Later only wake him up,let he sleep more.

Miss him so much.
I ♥ HIM



arrrr.....
i love her so much...
im lucky to have her...
im happy to have her...
you can't imagine how much i love her...

songs again...

you're my EVERYTHING and I'M YOURS.










oh yea.. something...
went to queensbay yesterday, and its..
WORLD BREASTFEEDING WEEK 2009.
what the hack do they do there?
mums go topless and start to let their babies suck their nipples in public?
weird thing...
damn. this world is really getting weird-er
errr??????
whatever.

whatever...



CELYN TEOH WEI YING, I LOVE YOU~

what more can i blog about?

geez...
what more i can blog about???
rained the whole day...

missed my girlfriend...
oh come on...
look at her...
how could u not miss her????



seee??????
get what i mean??????
you're so damn cute!!!!!
OMG~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


miss her so much...


well...
i cant drive...
im sick of waiting.....
seriously need driving licence.....
=( awww... thats freakin sad case...

sighs...
went for lunch, and dinner with relatives...
lots of good food today...
altho its kinda boring...

hrmmm...?

songs~~~!












hehehe... NO LYRICS FOR YOU, BABY...
wanna know the lyrics, listen to the song...
BLEKKKK